


sleight of hand(job)

by ElasticElla



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Birthday, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Semi-Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 13:42:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16766269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElasticElla/pseuds/ElasticElla
Summary: "Whoever thought of this should be set on fire while we all watch him burn slowly, and I would smile." -Ryan Bergara, Losers Eat The Smelliest Food In The World (Surströmming)





	sleight of hand(job)

Zack has been practicing magic tricks. Well, practicing makes it sound further along than it is- he’s learning still. Ryan says he enjoyed ‘Now You See Me’ far more than a sloppy heist film deserved, but Ryan was also willing to sit through the sequel with him- the two of them cuddled up on their squashy couch, trading a blunt back and forth. (These days, Zack prefers his entertainment easy, likes to drift between a screen and Ryan and sustenance.)

As far as magic goes, he hasn’t been able to pull anything on Ryan yet. It’s still a hobby that pays off, tonight in the form of a reservation appearing under Evans. A few murmured words to the hostess about Ryan’s birthday- true words even- and they get a circular booth in the back, cramped but private in its own little room. The doorway opens to a side hallway rather than the greater dining area, nothing to be heard except a low din. Zack’s been here a few times over the years, with Ryan and before, and it wasn’t until their latest visit that he even knew this room existed. 

It’s perfect. 

“You with me sweetheart?” Ryan asks, sitting beside him. 

Zack flashes him a smile, “Yeah, just thinking. I really love you.” 

Ryan grins, “Not gonna wait for the champagne?”

Zack chuckles, and Ryan gives an obviously fake yawn and stretch, curling an arm around him. He snorts, and presses his thigh against Ryan’s, heat and a little too much excitement pulsing through him. “You’re a better actor than that.” 

Ryan shrugs, presses a kiss to his temple. “I love you too.” 

Zack sits up automatically when their waiter arrives, pouring them waters and introducing himself as Garth. Ryan doesn’t move a muscle, an almost amusing reversal of how they used to act when they started dating at Buzzfeed. 

“We’re good to order now,” Zack says before he can hand over the menus. 

“Okay, what can I get you sir?” Garth asks, and Ryan snickers into his neck. 

“One of each of the appetizers, the surf and turf for two, medium rare and with sweet potato fries, and a bottle of Moet.”

Garth nods, “Would you like the appetizers all at once or when they’re ready?” 

“When they’re ready,” Ryan says quickly, “and the rolls too please.” 

“Right away,” Garth agrees, and is gone in a step, leaving them isolated once more. 

Ryan turns to him, “Going all out this year…?” 

Zack leans back against his arm, a teasing smile emerging, “Due to certain recent hobbies, I’ve been thinking more about death. We have the means, so if an extra hundred bucks is gonna bring our night from incredible to unforgettable, I’m not sweating it.” 

“Are you saying my presence alone isn’t enough to be unforgettable?” Ryan’s fingers tickle his side, an immediate relief even though Zack knew he wasn’t being serious. “My mama warned me about boys like you who wouldn’t take my last name.” 

Zack’s saved from choosing between a rebuttal or laugh as their waiter returns, popping open the Moet and filling two flutes. There was briefly a bread basket- now empty except for a few packets of butter- and Ryan’s cheeks are chipmunk full. 

“To us,” Zack says, and they clink glasses, starting the meal right. 

The appetizers pour in, quickly covering the entire table. There’s the clam chowder and lump crab dip and spicy fried cauliflower and shrimp cocktail and muscles in a garlic white wine sauce and crab cakes and grilled artichoke hearts and shrimp wontons and an assortment of sushi. Seemingly every time a dish is finished, another comes to replace it quickly and everything is delicious. 

Zack’s full by the time their main course comes, half a dozen or so appetizers remaining on the table. Ryan hasn’t slowed down, tearing through the lobster tail. Grinning, he slices open the filet- still not hungry, but watching Ryan eat always makes him want to. (Really, the guy should have his own food vlog.)

The steak is light pink, brown on the edges, “Huh.” Honestly he doesn’t mind that much, orders it rare for his better half and given how much food there is it really shouldn’t matter. Zack’s more surprised that they messed up at all, it isn’t like Rie’s kitchen at all. 

Ryan sees the problem instantly, before Zack can think better of it. His eyes narrow and like magic their waiter appears. 

“Is everything alright?” 

“Superb,” Ryan says with an insincere smile. “Is Rie here tonight?” 

“Oh no, our head chef was sick tonight. Her apprentice, Bob, is filling in tonight.” 

“Do give him our compliments,” Ryan says, tingles darting down Zack’s spine. 

Garth nods and leaves, and Zack is holding his breath. Ryan grabs his dick suddenly, air shooting out in a gasp. 

“Ry babe- what?” 

Ryan’s smile doesn’t dim, becomes sinister almost. “Don’t worry sweetheart.” 

Zack swallows, looking out at the thankfully empty hall, “It wasn’t Rie’s fault.” 

“I know,” Ryan agrees easily, slipping his hand into Zack’s pants. There isn’t much room between the big meal and his growing erection, but Ryan manages to fit his hand in all the same, gripping him through his boxers. 

Zack slumps, dick twitching as Ryan merely squeezes at varying pressures. 

“Wanna get out of here?” Zack asks, and it comes out as more of a whine than he intends. 

Ryan blinks, squeezes. “Why?”

Zack whimpers, mind blanking. It shouldn’t feel this good. Ryan doesn’t even have room to jerk him off, there’s still a layer- however thin- of cloth between them, they’re in public for fuck’s sake. Zack’s head falls back, rolling over to Ryan’s shoulder. 

“Dessert?” a voice asks suddenly, and Zack hides his face in Ryan’s neck. God, he hopes he looks drunk. 

Ryan murmurs something Zack doesn’t comprehend, blood pounding in his ears. He’s _ridiculously_ close to coming and can’t stop thinking about how this was supposed to go the other way. He was gonna be all slick with the tablecloth, a few magic tricks and slip under the table. There was a plan dammit.

“Zack,” Ryan murmurs, squeezing almost too tight and he can’t take any more, orgasming with a low groan. 

A sobering panic washes over him, sitting up sharply and looking to the hall, empty. 

Ryan snickers, pulling his hand out and wiping it off on a napkin. “C’mon I’m not that mean. Not after you set up such a killer date night.” 

His cock twitches, oversensitive, “Your day.” 

Ryan grins, dropping a kiss to the corner of his mouth, “Mhmm.” 

.

Ryan’s hand is tight in his hair, hips thrusting his cock even deeper down his throat, all groans and slick sounds around them. The fire crackles, and Zack’s never been so thankful for such a terrible sense of smell. All he can smell is Ryan’s skin and he wants to keep it that way. 

Zack isn’t surprised the night ended like this. It is after all, Ryan’s day. 

Ryan’s dick dips entirely into his mouth as he reaches forward to turn Bob. 

“Don’t wanna sear the edges like _somebody_ ,” Ryan jokes. 

And god, he loves this dork.


End file.
